A Sack of Flour
in Giggles on August 19, 2020
So…y’all may remember my telling you about how displeased I’ve been with some of the residual effects of this global pandemic…hint I’m starting to understand why some of the Renaissance women were painted lazily laying on couches with their bellies hanging out for all of posterity to see.
During the plague, there really isn’t much to do except snack for hours on end—until, of course, it’s time to eat an actual meal, then snack some more, eat another meal, and so on and so forth.
This is a marvelous plan.
Until…
The plague starts to wind down, and real life begins to creep back up on you…and by real life, I mean annoying things like pants and more grown-up appropriate clothes. Thankfully, businesses are reopening. Gyms are open (Praise Jesus). Unfortunately though, the Quarantine Fifteen took several months to find its way to settle into the various stages and areas of my body—in order to find that just the right and perfect place to nestle down.
Months.
Not days.
Not even weeks.
Months.
Therefore, it stands to reason, that said QF, won’t disappear overnight…which leads me to my next dilemma.
I’ve literally been in PAJAMAS since March. Why not? Where am I gonna go? Well, now that things are open, and we all get Day Passes to leave our houses, PJ’s aren’t exactly desired dress code for the masses.
Bummer.
My jammies fit.
Enter a handy little invention called Spanx, stage left.
Seriously, have y’all ever tried these?! They really ARE incredible. I mean, once you get them on, which is sorta the genius behind them. You burn about 500 calories just trying to pull them into position. Word to the wise: hit the restroom before you put these suckers on, because once they’re on—they’re ON.
I had to go “adult” today. Register my kids for school (Can I get an ‘AMEN’)…bank…take a kid to the doctor…all the things, and I needed to have on real clothes to do this. I decided in my current condition, a dress would be better. I fussed and fought and cried and cussed, but finally got into the only pair of Spanx I own (which I’m seriously unclear as to when or why I had purchased them, perhaps my subconscious self knew this day would one day come) and pulled on my dress.
The Quarantine Fifteen was completely humbled, and in its place was a firm and taught, solid…sack of flour.
That’s the only way I can describe it.
A. Sack. Of. Flour.
My sun dress fit…even looked cute…but if you happened to touch me…well, let’s just say, that would have been interesting.
I’m a little nervous to take them off…I’m afraid it’s gonna be like popping open a can of biscuits. But, other than that, I would highly recommend adding this fashion accessory to your arsenal. Between these and my mask and the UNBELIEVABLE Texas heat, I haven’t taken a deep breath all day, but hey, it’s fine.
Everything is fine.
Totally, fine.
So, here’s hoping you find something that makes your day totally fine, too.