Anticipation & Anxiety
in Giggles,Must Be Nice,Thoughtful Thursdays on May 25, 2022
Well…it’s been a week! As I sit here and try to hammer out something that is funny, poignant, relative and wise…I have to laugh at myself.
I feel none of those things right now.
Many of you know that my husband and I have been building our “Forever Home” for the last eighteen months. Time is drawing to a close on the new build, and a transition is coming.
We’ve been renting a little house for the better part of a year. It will soon be time to say goodbye to this house, and move thirty (or so) miles up the road to our new home.
The anticipation is killing me, but, I have to confess that my anxiety is almost worse.
What? Why? How?
I know. It sounds insanely contradictory. Let me explain:
Making a move like this is a significant life decision, in and of itself. However, the move is not the only thing on my plate right now. I still have a husband to worry about—his job—his job security. I still have three kids to parent, and while they are technically out of my house, they are not off my payroll—and they will never be off my Mom Radar.
My oldest kiddo left yesterday for a 15 day Study Abroad trip with his university. This is a huge opportunity for him to expand his knowledge and get some first-hand experience in his chosen field of study. I truly am excited and happy for him. The rub is that his chosen field of study is Nuclear Engineering; which means he’s touring international nuclear power plants. He is studying them, interacting with the actual plant, and monitoring their individual waste procedures…and that is where my mental capacity for reality completely jumps the track and heads down a dark and twisted rabbit hole that is slightly more disturbing than the backstory on every radio-active Marvel superhero. Oh, and don’t forget, I’m a child of the eighties…I VIVIDLY remember April, 1986 when a nuclear reactor reacted poorly (to say the least) in a little Ukrainian town called Chernobyl.
So, yeah. My anxiety level for him is sitting (un)comfortably at DEFCON level 1: Maximum readiness, with immediate response.
My other two kiddos need my attention as well, as they are both entering that phase of life where they are not really kids anymore—but—they are not quite yet adults. They need me to be supportive, listen and offer sage words of advice…
Ummmm….
As of right now—today—I am an excellent listener. Last week, I somehow managed to contract the adult version of the upper respiratory infection that infants and toddlers get, known as CROUP. It’s relatively rare that an adult would pick this up. Go figure. I’m just THAT special. I don’t really feel bad. I’ve never had fever. I was tested for everything under the sun…and Croup was the best answer I got. My voice started to take a hiatus around Wednesday of last week. By Friday, I could barely squeak, and the telltale barking baby seal cough most commonly associated with Croup began to rear it’s annoying head by nightfall. On Monday, all I could manage was scarcely forced air in place of where my voice had once been. And yesterday I was informed that if I did not go on immediate and TOTAL vocal rest, I would do permanent and irrevocable damage to my vocal chords. Awesome.
Do y’all have ANY IDEA how hard it is for me NOT to talk???
So, basically, when my kids come home this weekend, they’ll be able to tell me absolutely anything, and I can only smile and nod in response.
Jesus take the wheel.
So, what about you? Are you anxiously anticipating anything?
I’ve come to realize that these feelings I have are perfectly normal. It’s okay to be excited about new possibilities, but also to have an underlying anxiousness. It’s okay to be in transition between two different life stages. That is actually the definition of transition. Most of the time, when we leave one life phase, we are moving toward something we have never done before. Of course we’re gonna be apprehensive and somewhat anxious!
But, when we find ourselves leaning more toward the anxious, we need to try and remember to take a step back and a big breath in. If anxiety is our ruling emotion, our brains literally check out. Think about my radio-active superhero theory. Anxiety clouds our vision and obscures our ability to make good decisions. It is important to actively engage ALL of our other senses when we feel ourselves take that first step into that very slippery rabbit hole, so that we can move to higher and more stable ground.
We’re looking summer square in the face. For a lot of folks, that statement alone causes their anxiety to ratchet up a couple of notches. Moms who stay home with kiddos ALL summer add an extra 10-12 hours onto an already seemingly endless day. I see y’all. College kids coming back home for the summer, and needing to adjust and adapt to being back under Mom and Dad’s roof—with Mom and Dad’s rules—takes a minute for all parties involved to process. I see y’all. Working parents just increased their stress load tenfold, as finding and figuring out childcare for multiple aged children—shuttling said kids to different activities that start and end at vastly different times is more than a challenge. And, my Empty Nesters—my newly Emptied Nesters…this summer might be one for your record books. It’s amazing how fast a house that was once filled-to-overflowing with children, their laughter, their friends, their stuff went from “I can’t hear myself think!” To a silence so heavy, it can actually be felt inside the hearer. I see y’all, too.
Anticipation and Anxiety.
We all deal with that in some way, shape, or form. In a way, it’s kind of nice to know we don’t suffer this in isolation. Reach out to each other. Check in with friends and neighbors…if only because helping someone else with their troubles, eases your own mind for a time.
Have a good weekend!