Bothering Jesus

in Giggles on March 1, 2021

Kathleen Madigan.

Kathleen Madigan is an Irish Catholic comedienne. She is absolutely hysterical. She drinks too much, is laser-focused on everyday life, and says highly inappropriate things.

We would be very good friends.

I came across a video last week of her bit about visiting the South, and how we, down here in the South are Christian, and she, not being Southern, only thinks she’s Christian, but is Catholic. I’ll do my best to insert the link, you need to watch it, to fully grasp the conundrum.

My point isn’t denomination vs denomination.

My point is the fact that today is MONDAY, and I’m gonna be bothering Jesus all stinking day.

I’m not Catholic….I don’t have a list of Saints, or angels or anyone else to go through to air my grievances…

Today, I’m going straight to The Man.

I wake up early. I always have. I like the quietness the early morning affords me. It’s the only time my house is mine…no one is awake, asking me for things, following me around. It’s MY time.

I drink my coffee, cruise my phone…ME time.

Today, the cream literally curdled on its way from the carton to my cup–I watched it.

My 80 lb dog nearly broke my glass back door trying to eat the squirrel that made the mistake of crossing my back patio, and went for a drink at my pool’s edge.

As I struggled to find my morning chi, I decided to square my shoulders, take a deep breath, and get on with my day. I reached for the kids’ lunch boxes…

Both were much too heavy to merely contain ice packs. I opened each one…and found a hydro flask from FRIDAY still nestled safely inside…complete with the remnants of Friday’s lunches still inside for me to discover–like buried treasure.

Gag.

When my youngest came downstairs, I barked some rough good morning at him, to which he replied, “Wow…looks like someone woke up and chose violence today,”

Back away slowly, kid. Back-away-slowly.

Then, my husband woke up and wanted to talk about monthly finances.

Bothering Jesus.

I used to squeak out little breath prayers, “Help me, Jesus.” “Save me, Jesus.” “Be with me, Jesus.” Things like that…

But, by 8:30 this morning I didn’t need a breath of Jesus, no…I need whole Cross Jesus…as in, ALL OF HIM.

This weather isn’t helping. Yes, thankfully we’re all thawed out. But, it’s grey and overcast today. Rain is on the way. Every bit of vegetation across the entire state is dead…not sleeping…D E A D.

I’ve got tree people in my yard right now removing TWENTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD palm trees that are taller than my two-story house…FIVE of them, three smaller ones, and countless other plants. I know those seem like menial issues to some, but for people that spend roughly ten months out of the year outside, that hurts. Emotionally and financially. People down here are trying to figure out how to feed bees and hummingbirds because believe it or not, Spring is usually well on its way by now. But, after being in a deep freeze for more than a week, their food supply is gone.

So yeah, today, I’m bothering Jesus.

If I knew which Saint to call, I’d absolutely give them a shout-out. Or, my Guardian Angel, but to be perfectly honest, my Guardian Angel is probably in rehab.

So, that’s where I am today. Hopefully, you’re in a better place. But if you’re not, go ahead and bother Jesus. Tell Him I sent you.

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