Brutally Honest

in Giggles on January 10, 2022

Everyone needs one friend who will tell you the truth. No matter what. With my sparkling personality—I can say with all sincerity, this is most certainly true.

I’ve started the process of editing my next book. I know the last one just came out a couple of months ago (Why Some Animals Eat Their Young), but it’s never too early to get the next project in the works.

Several years ago—actually, more than a decade ago—I was the women’s ministry director at my church. I worked very closely with other directors of various other ministries. My best friend and favorite coworker, Jean, was often referred to as my “handler,” as in someone who works with wild animals.

Jean could get me to do things others could not. She knew how to maneuver around my extreme stubbornness, and she knew how to correct me when I sometimes fell off my path—all using her skills of kindness, grace, mercy, and (my least favorite) logic.

Why am I telling y’all this?

Part of my job at the church was to connect the women via email. I would write up weekly devotions and email them out. It gave the ladies of the church a way to communicate with me and with one another. The devotions usually centered around something strange or goofy that I or one of my children had done. Well, as I said, I’ve started editing, and I came across one of those devotions.

Apparently the one I read sitting at my kitchen table was not my first attempt. My first attempt at that week’s email had been run by Ms. Jean before I let my ladies read it. After glancing over it, pausing, and then really reading it, Jean looked up at me and asked, “You’re not really going to send this out, are you?”

Ouch. I guess not.

Evidently, I had more than slightly missed my mark with my message. Obviously, I knew something was off or I wouldn’t have taken it to her. But it was her candid, surprised, and brutally honest response that held my complete attention.

So, let me ask you a question: Do you have someone who can be that honest with you without fear of an unhinged reaction?

I hope you do. We’re still incredibly early into this new year. It’d be a total shame to give up on trying to be the best, or at least a better version of ourselves before we hardly even get off the starting line. No one, I don’t care who they are, loves criticism. But at times, we all need it. The way that criticism is delivered is crucial to how we handle and deal with it.

For starters, if you’re the one receiving it, try to be open minded. Let’s face it, not all of our ideas are super stellar and noteworthy. Sometimes we deliver a supreme “swing and a miss.”

Secondly, if you’re the one giving the criticism, choose your words wisely and gently. No one wants to hear, “Wow! That’s a really stupid idea!”

It’s degrading. It’s hurtful. And more times than not, words like that are spirit-crushing.

That is not the point of honesty, even brutal honesty.

How are you going to choose to travel through this year?

The past couple of years have been trying (to say the least) and devastating (to say the most) for all of us. Not one of us has made it through the last two years untouched by some tragic event that scarred our hearts and singed our souls. But I encourage you to not let those events define who you choose to be this year.

Ahead of us are new opportunities and new possibilities. Let’s all try a little harder to choose kindness, even in the face of brutal honesty.

For the record, I did not send out the original version of my email. I’m not sure what, exactly, got sent out, but I know it wasn’t that first draft! Jean and I have have been friends for almost two decades. She is still the one I call when my internal moral compass feels like it’s spinning off course. She is still the one who can bring me back to true north, even when I don’t necessarily love what she has to say.

My prayer and my hope for you in this brand-new year is to find at least one person to help keep you on course. If you happen to be a super hot mess, like I am, you might need more than one person!

I have a team, and I’m pretty sure they draw straws to see who has to deal with me next. And that’s okay!

Believe it or not, in some weird way, I, too, am on a few people’s clean-up list. Sometimes I can put away my snarky and sarcastic comments, and be of real use—not everyday, but sometimes when it really matters.

Have a great day! And remember, honesty, even brutal honesty, is a good thing!

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