Mommy Blog

CATastrophe

in Giggles on January 19, 2023

I am a dog person.

I am NOT a cat person.

I understand that there are some people who are both…that’s totally fine. I personally, have never been all that thrilled about an unpredictable, moody animal with murder mittens for feet.

I have a friend…I call her friend, but as of late, she is more of a frenemy than a FRIEND. Anyway, this friend, let’s call her Jenny, has a dark and twisted sense of humor…borderline diabolical.

A few years ago, knowing my extreme dislike for the feline animal group, she decided to randomly place CAT books all throughout my house. She hid them under couch cushions. She hid them in my children’s Christmas stockings. She hid them in my closets and kitchen cabinets. One-by-one I located these books, although truth be told, I’m not 100% sure that I’ve found them all—and we’ve MOVED HOUSES since she pulled this little stunt.

Last May, Jeff and I moved into our forever home. Naturally, my “friend” wanted to come out and see the house. At the time of her visit, I was in no way, shape, or form finished unpacking…this didn’t seem to bother her. In fact, come to think of it, she was rather glad I still had boxes everywhere.

Now I know why.

During her visit, and subsequent tour of the house, unbeknownst to me, she was dropping plastic miniature CATS throughout my house. Evidently she found a sale on one hundred plastic cats that was simply too good to resist…and what better housewarming gift than strategically placed unwanted plastic cats?!

After the unpacking was fairly complete, I had unearthed a total of thirty-something cats.

Jenny absolutely CACKLED out loud at my frustration and managed through ragged breath to utter, “You haven’t found them all.”

Fast-forward to October of last year. We had been in our home for five months. We were getting acclimated to country living. Jeff and I also knew that with acreage, comes critters…creepy-crawly critters, small round furry critters, and spiders big enough to cart off a small child.

We contemplated getting a cat…

A cat that would unequivocally live outside.

It just so happened, that another friend of mine rescued a five-week-old kitten from a major highway near our house. She called me in a panic, because this little fur ball had been grazed by a pickup truck. She literally stopped traffic, to scoop up this dazed and confused kitten; completely disregarding the fact that she, and one of her kiddos are severely allergic to cats.

Long story short—Jeff and I acquired our outside cat.

Jenny SNORTED with laughter when I told her about my new acquisition.

So, now I have my own murder-mitten-animal. Her name is Lizzie, but she doesn’t answer to that, nor does she come when called, nor does she do anything she doesn’t want to do. Obviously, she is my soulmate.

Jenny requested daily videos: She coached me on how to approach this pint-size-panther, which toys to buy (yes, of course I bought toys) and helped to translate cat-speak for me, since I’ve only EVER communicated with dogs.

Lizzie weighed less than a pound when we found her; she now weighs almost SIX! If any of y’all remember my Charley-Girl, you know I know how to fatten up an animal!!

The strangest part of this whole experience, has got to be my dogs’ reaction/response to this new addition to the family. London, our Goldendoodle, has been socially aloof toward other dogs ever since my Charley died. It’s been sorta sad, actually. But…with Lizzie’s arrival, London has her spunk and joy back.

Lizzie has become London’s new baby. They positively LOVE each other. Mrs. Bennett, our (EIGHTY pound) Bernedoodle puppy, also loves the kitty, but her expressions of love tend to send the cat rolling across the yard or diving for cover under one of the outside couches. And the original grumpy old lady of the group, Faith (our miniature Dachshund) is surprisingly tolerant of Lizzie—and is even teaching her how to thoroughly complete perimeter checks around the property.

Hopefully, Lizzie will understand her assignment, and keep the boundary line around my house critter-free. Right now, she hunts mosquitoes, and while that IS a valuable skill, I’m sincerely hoping that in time, she will venture out to the wood pile to hunt, kill and destroy the slithery villains that live out there!

Now, back to all of my MINIATURE cats…

Jenny was right. I had NOT found them all after unpacking. I found more while I was decorating for Christmas…and MORE still as I UNdecorated my house. It stands to reason, that Jenny has lost all privileges to roam UNSUPERVISED through my house. The night of my Christmas party, she stashed a brand new batch of cats. AND…has now corrupted my children and at least one of their significant others, into her infernal endeavors!

So, what I have learned??

Keep your friends (and kids) close, but your FRENEMIES even closer!! Have a great week, everyone!!