Mommy Blog

Confessions of a Terrible Stay-at-Home Mom, Vol. 2

in Giggles on June 25, 2016

Thanks to all of you who made my last Confessions post my most read post ever. Turns out my readers are sick and twisted and thrive on the pain and misery of others!  I give y’all two very enthusiastic thumbs up.  You’re my kind of people.  Building from the foundation that y’all want to read all about my epic failures as a useless Stay At Home Mom, I thought I might make this a regular (albeit sporadic) post on my blog. Without further ado, here is this week’s confession:

I’m not cool.

I try to be cool. I sometimes think I’m cool, but the awful, gruesome, fact-of-the-matter, is simple: I am not cool. Here’s a neat little caveat for you: my husband is the epitome of cool. He oozes cool. He’s a snappy dresser. He always knows what to say. He never loses his temper in a stressful situation. He always looks HOT—even when he first wakes up. And, yes, you read that correctly. I used the word snappy, hence my first point, I am not cool.

I have three younger sisters…much younger sisters.  They also, are cool.  They keep up with my kids on Instagram and other outlets of social media.  They police them and generally keep an eye on things, and occasionally fill me in on things should a toe cross any lines.  A cool mom would already know how things like Instagram and Snapchat work.  Unfortunately, I am that Mom who tries to be funny, but can’t; which leaves my poor children shaking their heads going, “At least she can cook.”

At what point did I completely lose my cool?  Well…that’s hard to say.  It probably happened around the same time I lost my mind, my waist line, and my youth.  I think those three things called a travel agent and booked a one-way ticket to some far away destination and jumped ship without me–never to be seen again.  Or at least never to be seen until my youngest child leaves this house for college…even then, I’m fairly certain the only one of those three items that I might find again will be remnants of my mind.  My waist is in the witness protection program and my mind has been kidnapped for a ransom that I have no hope of paying.

So, where does that leave me?  Sticking close to my cool husband, hoping that our kids and their friends will think I’m cool by proxy, and still want to hang out at our house…not because I like children; anyone that knows me, knows children are NOT my strong suit (that’s a Confession for another time).  I like having a house full of life, laughter and love.  Thanks to my cool husband we have a rockin’ pool and toys to keep teenagers engaged.  And, like my kids said, at least I can cook.

Here’s hoping your day is COOL!

Dallas