Mommy Blog

Confessions of a Terrible Stay-at-Home Mom, Vol. 7

in Giggles on July 5, 2017

It’s time for another confession. Y’all seem to enjoy these sick and twisted escapades into the dark recesses of my mind. I’m not sure what that says about you, as my readers, but here goes.

I’ve been somewhat quiet on the blog front lately. I’ve been writing elsewhere. I’m sorry; I feel like I’ve been cheating on y’all. I have two books that I was trying to finish and polish up with the hopes of hooking an agent or a publisher. All of that takes time and energy. You all know I still have a houseful of demanding kiddos with activities, so something was going to be put on the back burner. Unfortunately, my blog drew the short stick.

Confession: I am selfish.

I think I probably broke every mom-code and mom-law out there by typing that sentence. I’ll do it again: I am selfish.

I want to do things for myself. I want something that belongs to me and only me. This is the predominant force behind why I write books; or why I write anything. I do it for me. I certainly don’t do it for the money. I would, however, like to have something picked up by an agent for publication in a magazine or a reputable publishing house.

I spend my days (all of my days) telling my kids they can do anything, be anything, go anywhere, and here I sit, wondering if perhaps I have gone past my sell by date.  Should I have put more effort into me when I was younger?

About a year ago, my daughter confronted me (in public) about my lack of a job. I quickly and decisively put her in her place. I have a job. I am good at my job. I love my kids. I take care of my kids. But I wonder if I am a hypocrite. I believe that being a mother is an exceptionally noble calling. I believe my kids are well-adjusted and happy, and that is largely because of me.

But now they are growing up. They don’t need me at every turn like they did when they were babies.  While I am not longing for the days of diaper changes and sleepless nights—Lord knows I wouldn’t go back to those days for all the tea in China—I find myself searching for my purpose.

Soon, my house will not have an endless supply of hungry teenagers and noisy cheerleaders. Soon, my husband and I will have each other all to ourselves. Is it wrong to want something that I can call mine?  I’ve taught my children to reach for the stars. I want them to dream big and chase hard after those dreams. I do not want them to ever think that age places limitations on their dreams.

So as crazy as it feels to me, today I will be selfish. Today, I will chase my dreams. I will continue to lead my children by example, so that one day, when their dreams are just beyond their fingertips, they will reach for them.

Here’s hoping today is all about you!

Dallas