Mommy Blog

Cringe Worthy Mom Moments pt.2

in Giggles on May 7, 2016

Happy Saturday!  As promised, here is Part Two of my Top Ten most epic mothering fails.  Mother’s Day is tomorrow, and mommas across the globe await with great expectations to see what their precious offspring have devised in the form of gifts…

Will it be another coupon for a free hug?  A card good for one week’s worth of uncomplaining dish-duty? (yes, please)

Or will they surprise you and pull out all the stops, and take you to a four-star restaurant, complete with roses and valet parking?

What am hoping to get for Mother’s Day?  I just want my kids to get along and my kitchen cleaned.  Anything beyond that is a win.  Seriously.

So, on Wednesday of this week, I posted part 1.  I assured y’all that before the actual Mother’s Day, I would post part 2.  Over the years, my kids have amazed even myself, at their antics.  My cringe worthy moments 10-6 were highly entertaining, but I think you’ll find that the events below are more than worthy of their placement in the Top Five.  So, without further ado, sit back, relax, have a cocktail and be thankful that this mess is at my house and not yours!

Drum roll, please…

#5. Brothers are notorious for fighting and my boys are no different. One Spring, they were up in arms over a Nintendo DS. My older son got the game and threw it at his brother’s head. Bulls-eye. He totally nailed his little brother right in the eyebrow and sent us to the ER for stitches. That wouldn’t have been such a big deal if we had not just been to the ER twice in the  two months prior for both boys already! Can you say CPS?

#4. So my husband and I are trying to teach our kids the importance of reverence, or at the very least that there is a time and a place to be loud, and a time and a place to be quiet. Church is a time to be quiet. I thought we had communicated that to them fairly well, but, as the saying goes, that’s what I get for thinking.  During Holy Communion one Sunday, my oldest son took the announcement bulletin, wadded it into a ball, and launched it across the Sanctuary. I came unhinged. When I finally calmed down enough to ask, “What in the world were you thinking??”, his reply was simple, “Mom. It’s church. I couldn’t yell, and there’s a note on it for Jody.”

#3. We all know that siblings don’t always get along. Once, during the final moments of a family photo shoot, our oldest son who was three at the time gave his two-year-old little sister a really good shove right between the shoulder blades. She was completely unprepared for this surprise attack and landed face down, letting out a blood-curdling scream that echoed through the entire building. Both of her eyes immediately started to turn black and blue.  With one move, he had effectively broken her nose.  My husband and I were in complete shock. When asked why he had done this, my son said, “Well, I was trying to kill her.”  Terrific.

2. When my brother-in-law got married, he and his bride-to-be sweetly asked if our kids could be in their black-tie wedding. I had no idea that before the evening was over, my daughter would provide the photographer with the shot of a lifetime. Thankfully the kids did great during the ceremony – it was the reception that did us in. There was a small crowd gathered at the foot of a beautifully curved staircase.  Being the nosy woman that I am, I wandered over to check things out. Just as I reached the edge of the crowd, the photographer turned around with a huge smile on his face and said, “I got it that time!” Everyone was giggling. Just what was so funny? A miniature vision in white, laying in a laughing, crumpled heap on the floor. My daughter, the sweetest flower girl ever had done an impressive swan dive from the fifth step up. Everyone turned to look at me. I hitched up my floor-length gown, stepped over my laughing child, said, “Someone should go find her father” and walked away.

#1. The Top Dog of Cringe-Worthy Mom Moments is as follows: several years ago we took the kids to Disney World and stood in line forever to see three Disney princesses. Our youngest son was a two-year-old round, blonde, and blue-eyed sweet angel. He did well with two out of the three princesses.  It was that third one that got us. Cinderella happened to be the final princess of our royal encounter, and also my young son’s favorite. When she bent down to hug him, he ran forward to grab her. In short, there was a massive collision that ended with Cinderella on her back, my child wrapped around her neck, her dress up almost over her head, and her princess secret-service detail screaming into their head-sets, “PRINCESS DOWN! WE HAVE A PRINCESS DOWN!” My husband and I just stood there. There was nothing we could do. No one could untangle our little one from her, so they picked them both up at once.

That quickly ended our session with the princesses.  I am fairly certain our names have been blacklisted from every character meeting since then.

There you have it, folks.  My Top Ten…well, at least my Top Ten from when the kids were small.  For my frequent fliers on the blog, you are well aware of the escapades that my kids do on a regular basis.  It is becoming harder and harder to narrow those down.  Stay tuned next week for my rendition of Elliott’s visit this past Thursday to the PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE…yeah, the reason will leave you scratching your head.

I truly hope your Mother’s Day is restful and wonderful.  Wear your macaroni necklaces with style and cash in your coupons for as many hugs as you can manage.

Here’s hoping when you fail, you do it with FLARE!

-Dallas