Epic Failings of a Domestic Diva
in Giggles on September 9, 2019
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I have come to the only logical explanation: I am a terrible Domestic Diva…aka…stay home mom. I am. Don’t misunderstand me; I don’t want to get a traditional job. I’m totally not into the 9-5 thing. Staying at home for the last 18 years has completely let that ship sail right out of the harbor. But as far as staying at home…well…that’s where I have to draw the line.
For those of you who are new to this blog or new to my backstory, please give me a few lines to introduce you to my chaos. I have three kids who are incredibly close in age. I rocked the the stay-home-mom thing when they were babies. I had three kids in 26 months…all single births. Take a minute to let that fun fact sink in. I was the mom who was never at home. I had no issue whatsoever about packing up my zero, one and two-year-old and hauling them all to a playdate at the mall or Chic-Fil-A. I volunteered at my local MOPS group. I was always interacting with other moms. It kept me engaged and the kids entertained.
However, now that my kids are 15, 16, and 18 my life looks very differently. I have not volunteered for anything in quite sometime. Why? Apparently I am rather slow on the uptake. There are other moms who practically live at my kids’ school, and seem to know about volunteer opportunities before the general public, therefore snatching up any and all spots the very second any email hits their inbox. I’m simply not that into my computer…judging by their condescending stares and glares, I’m not that into my kids either or I’d be connected to the school’s mainframe email server.
Confession number two: I do not remember the last time I played with my kids. Now, I ask you, is this really my fault? Not one of them play with Barbies or Legos. Each one of them is more wrapped up with their Instagram than their actual family. They would each gawk at me as though I sprouted pretty pink polka-dots if I suggested we go outside and play hide-and-go-seek. And one of them, is so self-absorbed that it almost pains me to be around that particular one for an extended period of time. Yes. I said that out loud.
Confession number three: I’m tired, so very tired of STILL picking up after everyone in my house. I totally understood the need for my constant struggle to clear the floor of debris leftover from the latest explosion of kid-ness…but seriously…now?? A decade later?? After countless screaming matches…temper tantrums…colorful sentence enhancers…even begging and bribes worthy of the most crooked Congressmen, my children still cannot find the dishwasher, laundry hamper OR kitchen trashcan.
Confession number four: I want some grown-up alone time. A couple of years (yes, years) ago I went to California to see my sisters. If I’m being completely honest, I’m amazed that my house did not burn down. My trip was not relaxing at all. Why? Because Moms NEVER get time off. We are constantly and painfully aware of EVERYTHING that is going on or SUPPOSED to be going on at/in/around our house. The week that I was gone, NOTHING that was supposed to happen at home–did. Everything that could go wrong, did. I know this because my daughter was calling and texting every FIFTEEN minutes of EVERY DAY.
Confession number five: I feel like a hypocrite. I am a speaker. Did y’all know that? It’s true, I am. I’m a good one, too. Ironically my niche is family life. I profess the glories and benefits of being…get this…a stay-home-mom. How’s that for irony? Here’s the kicker: I wouldn’t trade the early years for anything. I wanted to be at home with my babies. I was supposed to be at home with my babies. My kids are growing up. Their needs are different now. They look at me today as more of a taxi driver and short-order cook than a playmate. They don’t want me to play Marco Polo with them in the swimming pool. They don’t need me to be the Room Mom anymore, in fact, they don’t really want me to speak to them at school. They still need me, though. We just need to figure out our new roles, and that’s a hard transition to figure out.
So, where does that leave me? Honestly, I’m not sure. Right now, I’m staring at the business end of a LONG school year. But the good news is that I have great kids. And I am strong enough and mean enough to wean them off of thinking that they need a treasure map to find the dishwasher, trashcan and laundry chute. That will be my new project. Stay tuned…things at my house could get dicey.
Here’s hoping your Confessions today are earth-shattering!
-Dallas