Mommy Blog

Four on the Floor

in Giggles on May 10, 2016

I know I cannot be the only parent who has said those words to my kids.

I simply cannot be the only one.

Especially if you are the proud owners of boy children, phrases such as that chair as four legs, or if you fall, don’t come crying to me, and my personal favorite, why are you on the roof?  A chair with all four legs on the floor is too boring, too mundane, too ordinary for any self-respecting child (insert-BOY) to leave alone.  Therefore they must tempt fate and defy the laws of gravity by leaning backwards, forwards, and sideways–anything to prevent all four legs from touching the ground.

My boys are not immune to this phenomenon. At home, I am surprised that any of my chairs still have four legs due to the extreme abuse they have endured through the years.  Now, since the act of keeping the four legs of a chair on the floor is a monumental feat at home, one might think that same act of defiance would transfer to buildings and places outside of my house.

You would be right—sort of.

In every house where children live, there is that one kid.  Each house has one.  The one who always seems to be in trouble (chance are if he seems to be in trouble–he is in trouble).  The one who climbs, jumps, falls off of anything… That one special kid who tests your patience at every turn.  You love him unconditionally…you would scale the highest mountains for him…slay every monster under his bed…but eventually that one kid might land you in rehab.

So, last week as I patiently waited in the carpool line, I was first greeted by my extremely moody daughter.  It is always a joy and a delight to pick up my teenage daughter from school…almost as much fun as having my son escorted to my vehicle by his teacher…in front of half of the parents of the school.

Excellent.

To make matters worse, as Mrs. C. stood there outlining the outstanding behavior of my child, he stood behind her grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, interrupting her at each interval, jumping in to defend his actions, rolling his eyes…to the point that my award-winning-fit-throwing-daughter in the front seat, who was witnessing this, had inched so far down in her seat, she was almost on the floorboard.

I almost came through my suburban window as I reached out to suggest to my youngest child, that for his benefit, it was time for him to get in the truck.

So, what did he do?

He knocked a classmate out of her chair, sending her to the emergency room with a possible broken arm.

Why?

She did not have four on the floor and…wait for it…he was bothered by the way she was “sitting” in her chair.

Come to find out, that was about the only thing that bothered him.  He did not seem too upset over the fact she was having x-rays…OR…over the fact that HE was the cause of this.  He showed little concern for his classmate until the next day.  Coincidentally, that was around the time that his grounding began to sink in, and the terms of his detention sank in.

I don’t think he intentionally meant to knock her out of her chair, but that’s beside the point.  The fact of the matter is he did knock her out of chair, and he needed to own it.  He did not.  He did everything in his power to turn the tables and make it her fault for not maintaining her balance when the Chair Police came up behind her to right her in her seat.  Unbelievable.  That would be the thought process behind my kid.

Well, it has been a few days…my little criminal is serving out his punishment.  His classmate did not break anything–Praise the Lord!!  And she seems to be right as rain…although if I were her, I’d stay away from my little Chair King.  This Kid V Mom is hard.  There really is no rule book on how to deal with all of the different scenarios.  I have three kids…same parents…same house…same set of general rules for all three kids…each kid is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

That makes things tough.  Sure, some days are a piece of cake, and other days, I walk around wondering how Elliott got on the roof in the first place!

Here’s hoping today you can keep all of your legs on the floor!

-Dallas