Mommy Blog

I’m Still Standing

in Giggles on January 30, 2023

What do you know about punctuation?

I know a little bit about the ellipses, periods, question marks, exclamation marks, and definitely commas. In fact, my sweet editor knows just how little I know about each of those gizmos in the punctuation tool box!.

I throw the Oxford comma around like confetti. I use ellipses (…) like air. These seemingly inconsequential scratches on a page have the power and potential to signal so much more than a pause in the sentence structure of words on a page.

I received a phone call from one of my kiddos last week to inform me of a new and exciting development on their road to Adulthood. As all three of my kids are currently traveling this particular highway, an animated phone call could have meant just about anything.

Jeff and I try to stay close to the kids without hovering so close that our helicopter parent blades disturb their yard. This, on occasion, is nothing short of miraculous.

So, what was the exciting news? And what could a phone call possibly have to do with punctuation? Allow me to explain:

“Mom, guess what! I have a COMMA in my bank balance!”

All three of the kids are gainfully employed; well, as gainfully employed as baby-adults can be. They are all working hard to truly become productive and self-sustaining members of society. One of the first steps on that journey is learning how to save and control your income.

This was a life lesson that took me a bit longer than a hot minute to master.

In fact, it wasn’t until I married my husband that I really grasped the concept of saving money. Jeff had more than his fair share of tutoring to do with his new bride.

When I was my kids’ ages, I knew what an empty checking account looked like—what it felt like—what it tasted like. I did not know what a comma in that bank account looked like. I know what no electricity sounds like. I know the panic that accompanies the first of the month when there is no possible way to make rent. I know how to swap vehicles with a friend because the Repo Man is expected at any minute. I know how to work two and three jobs in order to make ends meet; even if those ends aren’t long enough to be tied.

I know what it feels like to be alone.

I understand the importance that the exhilarating feeling one little comma, and subsequent phone call to a willing and sympathetic ear brings.

For years, I found solace, acceptance, and understanding in books, movies, and my own imagination. In my imagination, I created worlds and scenarios which were vastly different from my reality. I learned the value of self-reliance.

When I married Jeff, I was over-the-moon ecstatic about having snagged my Prince Charming. But through my happiness, lurked demons of self-doubt and inadequacies that simply refused to die. Time and time again, Jeff has suited up in armor fit for Prince Charming, and fought my demons.

Demons and monsters that he cannot see.

Monsters that live only in the darkest recesses of my mind, yet he strikes with alarming accuracy, until those beasts are forced to retreat back into hiding.

His patience, his bravery, and his compassion never falters.

Why is all of this coming out today? After all, it’s just a random Monday. My oldest child is getting married this year, so I’m naturally prone to reminisce about days gone by. But mostly, even amid the joy of his upcoming marriage, my mind gives way to the shadows of my past.

There’s an old saying about long-lost relatives, and how you don’t really see them unless someone is getting “married or buried.” For me, personally, I’m not sure even that amount of frequency can be expected. My grandparents have all passed. My aunts and uncles don’t seem too concerned about a wedding. And, I haven’t seen most of my cousins in years. Ethan is not bothered in the slightest by this. Why should he be? He has never been around these people.

This sadness belongs to me.

I remember.

I remember big family gatherings with everyone. I remember long weekends at the lake. I remember holidays. I remember daily phone calls to my grandmother. I also remember being an outsider. I remember being YEARS older than my sisters and my cousins. I remember being the first grandchild to come from divorced parents. I remember my grandparents as the only people who took an active interest in me. I remember being alone in a crowd of people.

I realize this post took a dark turn. I’m about to turn that around right now.

Through the years, I have taken my hurt, my disappointments, my triumphs, and my failures, and tried to positively channel them into my own family. My new family. The family that Jeff and I built together. I write with exclamation points because I have renewed strength and joy that oftentimes cannot be contained by mere periods. Ethan, like his brother and sister, isn’t bothered by my family’s lack of interest in his life because his life has been full and complete within the walls of our home. They have no need to fill their cup from ancillary sources.

My kids call me with exciting news of a comma in their bank account. Why? Because they know I’ll applaud them, congratulate them, and be genuinely happy for them.

As for me? Well, I’m still standing. I get knocked down from time to time, but the most annoying thing about me is: I get back up. Every time.

I hope today, if you find yourself flat on the ground, that you get back up. Your success, in any measure, is absolutely maddening to those who push you down. Keep getting up, period.