Mommy Blog

Manic Monday

in Giggles on March 9, 2015

I truly was not going to post today.  My apologies, but I just did NOT have the time.  However, events outside of and completely beyond my control begged to be shared with the blogosphere.  As you well know, I am Home Alone this week.  I also have a ten-month-old puppy, named Charley a.k.a. Captain Destructo.  She cannot be left at home for extended periods of time without potty breaks, therefore she must spend this week at Doggie Daycare.  So, before I begin my hour and a half commute to school, I must first drop off my dog, so that she can do whatever it is that dogs do at daycare.  I envision that she will learn things such as: 1.) How to properly chew a shoe, 2.) The five truly effective ways to beg for food, and 3.) How to maximize your cuteness.  Before we left the house this morning, I scooped her food into a ziploc bag (with her name on it), cut up an apple (because she likes apples), placed that into a separate baggie–also with her name on it–and out the door we went.

I forgot my own lunch.

Charley HATES the car.  She hates, hates, HATES the car.  She paces.  She pants.  She shakes and sheds.  It’s her own personal version of doggie Hell.  I do not understand this.  Today, it is raining in Houston.  It has been raining in Houston for a week.  The morning traffic is horrendous on a sunny morning, on a day like today, the morning newscasters were actually and seriously advising everyone who did not absolutely HAVE to be at work to stay home.  It took Charley and I FOREVER to reach the daycare center.  She needed a Xanax by the time we got there, and I needed another shower because of all of the dog hair I had on me.  My drive to school and my time at school was uneventful and relatively serene for a Monday.  My afternoon class was canceled, so I ventured out once more into the Flood to retrieve my Retriever who had just barely settled down from the shock of her transport to the center.

Everyone was busy when I walked in to get her, so I found myself sort of wandering around.  I stumbled upon the cutest little dog (who I later found out) was available for “re-homing”.  Oh my goodness she was precious!  Like we need ANOTHER DOG!  Between Captain Destructo and the fuzzy caterpillar, a.k.a. Faith, we do not need another one.  But, she was sweet.  Charley was thrilled to see me.  I loaded her up and we headed home.  Half way to the house I hear the familiar sounds of a large animal pacing and panicking in the back of a little-bitty vehicle…Captain Destructo has destructed again!

She’s throwing up.

There is absolutely nothing…not-one-single-thing I can do about this.  I cannot get mad.  She’s a dog.  I cannot stop.  What purpose would that serve?  My only salvation is the beach towel that I put down this morning to “protect” my car from the dog hair…dog hair…not dog vomit.  We pull into the driveway, and Charley flies out the car.  We get into the house, and are instantly greeted by Faith, and a very distinct and pungent aroma of something very foul.

Faith has left a recent gift of fecal excrement on my living room carpet. Carpet…not tile.

Cry.

This is fantastic.  Both dogs head for the backdoor.  We all go outside.  In the rain.  They do their business, although I’m not sure what Faith had left to do.  Charley then proceeds to GET IN THE STINKING POOL.  IT IS POURING DOWN RAIN.  Why?  Why does she feel the need to do this?  My instinct is to fuss at her.  Her instinct is to then take off through the mud-filled flowerbeds, thus spraying mud up and over all of her used-to-be-clean fur.  sigh.  In the house I go for towels…I get both dogs dried off, and the towels in the washer.  As I am rounding the corner from the laundry room, I realize that I had completely forgotten about the gift Faith had left me.  But no worries!  Charley remembered and she was now eating it!!!

Gag.

She can’t handle riding in a 2013 Kia without throwing up, but chowing down on dog crap is Aces in her book.  I don’t get it.  Manic Monday.  Does anyone remember that song?  Do you know the definition of the word manic?  It means frenzied, hectic, feverish, demented, deranged, intense, and good-old-fashioned CRAZY.  That’s where I am today.  Somewhere in between all of those words.

Here’s hoping your Monday is WAY less manic than mine!

-Dallas