Mommy Blog

My Baby You’ll Be…

in Giggles on August 11, 2019

In five days’ time, I will load up my SUV, my son’s car…both packed to the roof…and we will drive the 79 miles up the highway to deposit him at Texas A7M University for his freshman year.

I have prepared for this day since he was still in my womb. I knew this was the End Game. I have prayed about this day. I have laughed about this day. I have joked that check out time for this house was 18 years old. I have told him, my husband, and myself that I was ready for this day to come.

I lied.

I vividly remember the day he was born. I remember the fear in my heart and in my body…how was he ACTUALLY going to come out? I remember the absolute terror at the thought of the options of his “exit plan”, neither appealed to me. I remember the wonderful relief that washed over me as I heard him cry. I remember my shock and surprise at how HEAVY and WARM he was, as my doctor laid him across my belly.

I recall his first day home with his father and myself, me staring down at him, thinking that in the blink of an eye, he would go off to Kindergarten. I did not realize then, that one more blink–one more sleep–and he’d be off to college.

Ethan has challenged me. Frustrated me. Angered me. He has loved me.

Contrary to popular belief (and my own writings) there is no absolute manual on how to raise children. Jeff and I were (still are) winging it. We tried to teach our children independence, while instilling boundaries and rules. Some of those…most of those…were tested daily. We have had the difficult “talks”…birds, bees, and Jack Daniels. I am proud, and a little shocked, that Ethan initiated those conversations with a level head and a maturity level that far surpassed his years.

Jeff and I tried to raise a man. We put our expectations, our hopes, and our dreams for what Ethan could become…what we wanted him to become.

He surpassed them all.

He truly inherited the best qualities from both of his parents. He is strong. He is confident. He is smart.

In one week, he will begin a new chapter in his life…one that does not include me on a daily basis. He will stumble. He will most likely fall. He will fail.

But…he will get back up. He will dust himself off. He will learn from his failures, and he will succeed.

My job as his mother has, from the beginning, been to raise a good-hearted, contributing, and productive member of society–and then, release him into the wild. That time has come.

This house will be strange without him. His brother and sister are already feeling the general emptiness, as they watch him methodically choose what stays behind, and what goes with him.

My own heartstrings are stretching (79 miles up the road) but they will never break.

I used to read him the book, Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. I will love Ethan forever. I will watch him grow into a fine young man. But…

My baby he’ll be…always.