Mommy Blog

Neverland

in Giggles on June 30, 2016

Welcome to Neverland.  No.  This isn’t a land inhabited by Peter Pan, Wendy, the Lost Boys or even Tinker Bell.  I have no fairy dust to offer you.  Today I will be your guide through Never-Land…as in, “When I have children of my own I am NEVER going to do ___.”  Fill in the blank with the gem of your choosing.  Looking back over the last fifteen years of child rearing, I have to laugh at my pre-baby self…I shake my head now and smile.  I was delusional.

Take a peek inside my last book as I take a leisurely stroll down Memory Lane:

“When you are pregnant with baby number one, you have the freedom to envision how grand your life is going to be; more over, you have delusions, I mean, visions, to imagine all of the millions of things you are NOT going to do with your child.  You are almost keeping a running mental tally of the scores of mistakes that your friends are making with their little spawns because you know full well that you can do better.  Your child will not act like that in public!  You will not offer a bribe to your child in lieu of proper discipline.  Let’s face it, with a baby in the belly, and none to chase at home…life is good.  Hormones make you hallucinate.  When you are pregnant with Numero Uno, you have the time to obsess over how perfect little Junior will be, as he effortlessly pops out into the world, and you lovingly gaze into the eyes of your adoring spouse, while your pre-pregnancy jeans wait for you in your pre-packed hospital bag.”
Two words: Dream On.

-excerpt from The Mommy Diaries: How I’m Surviving Parenting Without Killing Anyone

You might be wondering, why is she bringing this up now?  Well,  I have a couple of reasons.  First, my kids are getting older, and apparently even I feel nostalgic.  Not really, but it sounded good.  Seriously, my kids are growing up, and I catch myself saying things to them that MY MOTHER said to me…things that I SWORE TO MYSELF I WOULD NEVER, EVER SAY to my own children.  Things like, “Don’t make me come up there!”  “Because I’m your mother, and I SAID SO!”

Welcome to Never-Land.

Parenting in today’s day and time is different than when most of us were growing up.  Technology plays a much bigger role in everyone’s lives.  When I was a kid, cable TV was huge.  And by huge, I mean we had 99 channels.  That was our technology.  Today, technology means you can link up to the NASA vending machines from your smartphone while having a video conference call with your business buddy in Japan, all while still rockin’ your game of Candy Crush on Facebook.  This is the technological world in which our children are growing up.  It makes parenting them a bit different.

I swore, and I do mean SWORE I would not use the TV as a babysitter.  PUULEEZE!  The TV??  That’s the least of my worries!  Here kid, take my phone, my tablet…hell, take the keys to my car!  Just STOP whining!!

If I could just punch your ticket for the one-way train to Never-Land…

I used to beat myself up over things like this.  I tried to be a good mom…honest I did.  I did the whole breastfeeding thing.  I also SWORE I wasn’t going to mix breast milk with formula or swap out a bottle while I was nursing–well—let’s just say a woman has to sleep at some point or she’s likely to end up on the news.  I also was NEVER going to put cereal in my kids’ bottle…again…sleep is a beautiful thing…and for about THREE years sleep was only something I read about in children’s books or saw on TV because it certainly NEVER happened at my house!!  So I put CEREAL in my babies’ nighttime bottles…then they slept…and I slept…and my husband lived to see another day!!

The second reason this post is surfacing now is because I have friends that are trying to get pregnant with their first babies OR are pregnant with their first babies.  Their expectations are HIGH.  Good for y’all!  One question, in which compartment of the Neverland Express would y’all like to sit?

Parenting is hard.  It is not for sissies, nor for the faint of heart.  We all go into this adventure with the very best of intentions.  However, real life is not like it is in the movies, nor is it often the way it is portrayed in books.  Children have minds and personalities of their own, and many times their little agendas do not jive with ours.  We, as the parents, have to be as flexible as Cirque du Soleil performers, stealthy as ninjas, and compassionate as Mother Teresa; all while functioning on less sleep than most prisoners of war.

Sounds fun, doesn’t it?  It really is.  Honestly.  Nothing smells better than a baby–even a stinky baby smells good.  Be careful, even when you think you’re “done” having kids, do not smell a baby…you’ll want another one.  Nothing is better than goodnight kisses from your child.  My daughter will not hardly acknowledge me in public, BUT she ALWAYS kisses me goodnight.  My children know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved.  I get endless hugs and kisses…even now as they are growing up…my boys still love their Momma.

I will NEVER tire of that.

Welcome to Neverland.  Enjoy your stay.

Here’s hoping your day is filled with pixie dust and daydreams!

-Dallas

P.S.

If you want your very own copy of The Mommy Diaries, invite me to come speak to your Mommy Group or Women’s Group.  Contact my publicist, and she’ll be happy to arrange that!