Pluto
in Giggles on June 29, 2015
Well, I think this is it. I have finally cracked. I knew this day would eventually come, although I had hoped that when it came, I would not actually know it had come. I had always been under the impression that crazy people did not know they were crazy. I was wrong. Let me ask you something:
What do you know about the planet formerly known as Pluto?
Turns out, I know quite a bit about the little guy. Why? Well, let’s just say that my head is filled with tons of useless information. I would be a terrific asset to anyone’s team for Trivial Pursuit. Yet, I cannot for the life of me read a map or adequately put together furniture from IKEA. Pluto was officially discovered in 1930, but its existence was perceived some twenty years earlier. It simply took technology a while to catch up. Pluto is a long, long way from Earth. And, if we are being totally honest, it is a really tiny rock floating in a great big sky. But, nevertheless, the great minds of the 1930s got together and decided this little-bitty rock was big enough, strong enough and had enough force to travel in its own orbital path around the Sun, to be deemed a planet.
Thus, Pluto–the god of the Underworld–was named.
Now, those scientists did not stop there. Nope. They continued with the whole Underworld theme. Pluto has its own moons. There is Charon. Granted, this is by far his largest moon–weighing in at almost half Pluto’s size. For those of you unfamiliar with your Greek mythology, Charon ferried the souls of the dead across the River Styx…which incidentally, Styx is the name of another moon. Pluto has a couple other moons, but we will leave them be, for now Charon and Styx are the ones of importance. You may be wondering why the science lesson?
You see, in 2006 a brand new group of scientists got together and decided that Pluto did not really meet the requirements necessary to be a real planet. He was too small. They would unceremoniously downgrade poor Pluto to dwarf-planet status. Forget the fact that he has his own orbit around the Sun. He has his own moon system. And he rotates and revolves in his own way. He did not measure up to someone else’s prescribed standards and therefore must be demoted.
And this is where my breakdown comes into play.
I am Pluto.
I have effectively been downgraded. Even though I have my own orbit, and I have my own moons that circle me all-the-time (aka my children) I am now a DWARF PLANET. I recently graduated from college…it only took me twenty years to get my undergrad. For the last two years, I have surrounded myself with academic minds. I have been challenged. My opinions were valued and I was respected. In the last six weeks, a new group of peers have taken my status and re-evaluated it, and reclassified that status without consulting me first. Their findings have resulted in a less-than-favorable-outcome for me.
I have been downgraded.
Where I once orbited with confidence, I now second-guess everything. I feel guilty for sitting still. I feel guilty for what I eat. I feel guilty for resenting carpool. I feel guilty for feeling guilty… I feel trapped by my moons that circle me all-the-time. I have not read a book in two months. My IQ is dropping by the day. Like Pluto, I am one small, spinning block of ice. And like Pluto, I must learn to deal with and live with my new classification. Oh well…there are worse things. Part of my breakdown stems from the fact that I am missing one of my moons—we dropped him at camp for a week yesterday…can you say Manic Monday??
Here’s hoping you don’t get DOWNGRADED today!
-Dallas