Mommy Blog

This Looks Like A Job For Me…

in Giggles on April 28, 2022

In May of 2002, American rapper, Eminem released his chart-topping hit, Without Me from his album The Eminem Show.

Less than a decade before that release, Eminem exploded onto the music scene.

Now, for those of you who know me, know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Eminem would not be the first artist on my playlist. I’m definitely more of a George Jones-George Strait kind of gal…but…hearing the iconic opening bars of Slim Shady immediately takes me back to my clubbing days of the mid-to late 90’s.

Back in my club-running-days, while I was younger, slimmer and in much better shape—I wasn’t exactly more energetic.

It’s true that I regularly went out with my friends. It’s true that I regularly stayed out way passed my bedtime. And, it’s also true that I griped and complained most of the time about those late nights.

A zebra doesn’t usually change her stripes.

I’ve had mine my entire life.

What does that mean?

Well, for starters, I was almost always the “Mom” of the group. It was my job to make sure everyone who went out with us—left with us. It was my job to make sure everyone got home. It was my job to make sure most of the other areas of social functioning was achieved.

I was an organizer. I was a party planner. I was the cruise director…at least until 10:00 or 10:30pm.

Now, fast forward from the late 90’s to the mid 2000’s. By 2003, I had been married for a few years, and had three very small children. Utilizing the social skills that I had honed in the kicker bars across Central and East Texas did not carry a whole lot of weight within the walls of my house, especially while actively (and effectively) playing the role of Chaos Coordinator to my husband and three kiddos.

I needed to find another outlet…preferably one that did not require me to stay up or out passed 8:30.

That’s when I found MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers).

I started hanging out with other Moms who were living in the same chaotic cycle that I was. We bonded over sleepless nights, weird baby sicknesses, and the ever-present-soul-crushing question that plagues every parent: What do I make for dinner?

I learned very quickly that one of my biggest strengths was leadership and organization. I also learned that Stay-Home Mom was a total and complete misnomer. My job description might’ve read “Stay at home Mom,” but in reality, I was NEVER at home. Just because I simply did not have an office to go to, did not in any way, shape or form, mean that I was daily ever only regulated to the confines of my house.

I was kept exceedingly busy with the tasks of leading our local MOPS group, teaching a Moms’ Bible Study, and volunteering at the kids’ school…not to mention allllll of the domestic duties that still required attention.

Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Bathing the children. Keeping pets alive…you get the idea.

Then, about ten years ago, I simply stopped.

My kids had aged out of the MOPS program. I stopped teaching Bible Study. I resigned from my Women’s Ministry position at the church.

My time away from all of those things was not wasted. I went back to college to finish a degree I had begun almost twenty years prior. I finished my manuscript for what is now known as Why Some Animals Eat Their Young. I took care of my father-in-law for the last few years of his life.

I stayed active, but in a completely different way.

Fast forward to today.

I’m now an Empty Nester. My kids have all moved out, and are actively pursuing education in their various fields. My oldest is getting married next year. My book has finally been published and is gaining ground. But…

I was still disconnected from the ministry life that I was used to.

And that’s when I remembered MOPS.

Within each MOPS group lies an invaluable position: The Mentor Mom. These are the moms who have survived the itty-bitty phase of parenting. They have lived through the sleepless nights of infancy, they have muddled through kindergarten and the learning/memorizing of shapes, numbers, colors, and the alphabet. Their patience tolerance for crying babies is set to a much higher level than that of their younger counterparts. I loved the Mentor Moms who participated in my MOPS group years (and years) ago.

So, as hard as it was (is) for me to admit…I am now of the age and experience level to be the next generation of Mentor Moms.

I reached out to a few of my friends who are in the same stage of life as I am, and we descended upon the MOPS group that we once lead.

I love the new group of moms. I see myself and the struggles that are the same regardless of the years in between my babies and theirs. But, I also see new struggles—more challenging ones—as if the regular trouble of sleep training, breast feeding and wife-ing weren’t enough…this new crop of Moms must deal with the pressures and anxieties of social media, a global pandemic, and isolation.

The young mothers of today still need the encouragement the moms of my day needed, but these women need so much more than that. They need guidance and support for electronic boundaries, lessons on keeping their children safe in cyber space, and permission to fail.

Yes. They need permission to fail.

With the onslaught of perpetuated perfection via ANY social media outlet, parents are overwhelmed with only a two-dimensional view of life inside other people’s homes.

Perfection isn’t real.

Perfection in parenting will never be a real thing.

Think of it this way: When choosing the picture for your family’s Christmas card, do you pick the all-eyes-facing-forward and smiling picture, OR do you reach for the crazed-kids hanging off of Daddy-Mom looking murderous-and dogs photo bombing the shot one?

Most of us choose the first one. It is the same with social media. MOST people do not plaster the raw and ugly behind the curtain side of parenting on their platforms. They post perfection. They do not tell you in the caption that they worked on their “Just another day in the life” photo for three days before they got the right one. And because of that little omission, we (the viewers) think we’re doing our life terribly wrong because the inside of our house looks like a band of tiny drunk diaper-clad pirates have taken over.

This looks like a job for me…

I am not a perfect parent.

I never have been.

I never will be.

But…I’m a good parent.

And so are you.

So, I’ve jumped back into the MOPS group at my church with both feet. This makes my church’s admin very nervous. I rarely do anything halfway!

I am thankful that I now have the opportunity to give back to an organization that gave me so much…including, but not limited to my sanity. Raising little ones is hard work. Parenting is not for sissies.

If you are in a season of Littles, and you are not connected to a Moms’ group, please find one. Reach out to me, and I’ll help get you connected to something in your area…it doesn’t have to be MOPS, but please get involved in something. Parenting is hard enough without striving to reach perfection…and on top of that, thinking you have to do everything on your own.

“Guess who’s back, back again…Now this looks like a job for me, So everyone just follow me, ‘Cause we need a little controversy, ‘Cause it feels so empty without me…” -Eminem, Without Me

For my more seasoned Mommas, this looks like a job for you. The younger ones need us. It is time to come back.

Have a great week!