Mommy Blog

True Lies

in Giggles on June 19, 2015

Last night I was scrolling through the channels, and I came across an absolute classic movie.  True Lies.  Now tell me, who doesn’t just LOVE the scene with Jamie Lee Curtis dangling from Ah-nald’s arm from the airborne helicopter?!  That. Is. An. EPIC. Scene.   The hubster had just returned home from his weekly run out to West Texas, and I was giving him some alone time with the children; which all moms know is code for: I needed my own space after being at home all week with the little darlings before I became a 6:00 news featured story.  So, I was relaxing in my room, in my bed, with the remote.

Bliss.

Anyone with children understands that it is a virtual impossibility to have grown-up time with the TV, unless your angels are in bed…or not at home.  Well my angels stay up later than I do, so if I want to watch something, I have to retreat to my room–which leaves them unsupervised–which can lead to bodily harm of them, the dogs, or structural damage to the house.  None of these are good options.  But, when Hubby comes home, I feel very strongly about his need to bond and catch up on lost time with his offspring.  However, last night, his time of bonding did not seem to last very long because soon after Ah-nald tango’d his way across my TV, the hubster was snuggled up beside me, completely engrossed in this cult classic.

Now, I told you that, to tell you this.  There is a line in that movie, a little line, an obscure line when Jamie Lee Curtis’ character says she wants to do something wild and crazy.  Jeff looks over at me, and asks if I want to do something “wild and crazy?”  I laughed and told him, “Yeah…I’m not moving to MY side of the bed!”  I was completely comfortable sacked out on his side, and I was not going to move!  I am such a rebel.  Little did I know that I had, in fact, started a rebellion that would last all night long.

See, y’all read this blog and you think that I have neurotic tendencies, ehmmm–the Dentist–airplanes–and you would be right to think that.  But allow me to let you in on a little secret: the hubster has issues of his own.  We turned off the TV at 10:00 last night, and I thought we went to sleep.  I went to sleep.  At 2:30 this morning, I rolled over and was met with the glowing screen of my sweet husband’s cell phone.

He was not just awake–but he was WIDE awake.

He had his ear buds in, and was emailing, Facebooking, and who knows what else!  The man had not fully fallen asleep!  He had just been laying there!  FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS!!  Are you kidding me?  This is sad.  Naturally, I had to make fun of him.  Question #1. Why didn’t you move me?  Question #2. What in the world is wrong with you?!  Question #3. Are you kidding me right now?

So, at 2:30 this morning we switched BACK to our proper sides.  At 4:00, we were both STILL AWAKE.  At 5:00 his phone rang.  At 6:20 Captain Destructo needed to go potty.  At 7:00, Jeff had an epiphany.  Brace yourselves for absolute brilliance…the reason that Jeffrey could not sleep…wait for it…is that his caveman instincts had kicked in.

Boom.  Mic drop.

You read that correctly.

Caveman Instincts.

I fell sleep on the side of the bed that was closest to the door, or in caveman speak, closest to the cave exit.  Therefore, in Jeff’s most primal and guttural self, when the Saber Tooth Tiger tried to enter the cave (our bedroom) and eat us (not), Jeff would not be able to properly protect me because he was so much further away from the cave entrance (12 inches).  Thus, he must stay vigilant and awake, so that no (extinct) animal could come in and devour me.  Now isn’t that sweet?

So now because of my husband’s perceived delusions, we are both operating on no sleep, and we both have very busy days in front of us.  There are contractors working on my stairs right now.  The yard sprinkler peeps are on their way.  I have a rather important meeting at 12:30, and it would have been great IF I appeared coherent and intelligent.  Honestly, that ship may have sailed without the lack of sleep.  We promised the kids we would go see the new Disney movie this afternoon.  And I have a long overdue Girl’s Night Out this evening…if I can stay awake!

Caveman Instincts…for real?

Here’s hoping your instincts are spot on today!

-Dallas